I pledge allegiance to Nutella...

The time is here. Tomorrow at 8 am I will arrive at work "ready" to begin my one week adventure in the woods with students. As I write this, I literally have to go pee because I am so excited/nervous. You know the urge to pee you had when you would hide during hide n' seek? You could have just gone to the bathroom three minutes before and yet somehow, our body manages to produce enough liquid between that time to make you wiggle in your hiding place.

But before I begin talking about this coming week let me share with you the events of the last few days! So remember when I left off with that silly, little, lonely wave metaphor? Well, it's still slightly relevant but I am beginning to feel more confident because God answered my prayers and introduced me to His moving and working Body here in Saranac Lake. About 30 minutes outside of town is Young Life Saranac Village, which is a beautiful summer camp I visited in high school. I was fortunate enough to be able to visit some of my Virginian friends who are there for the month helping out and while there met some amazing folks who live here year long. Apparently, there is indeed a small community of post college graduates (most who work at camp) that all seek deep community and fellowship. Hooray! For a minute there I was a bit worried it didn't exist. Right now, I am at one of their houses, doing my laundry and using their computer. I am so grateful to meet such genuinely kind friends and I am very much looking forward to learning more about them. Also, I was invited back to camp throughout my time off to help out in whatever capacity I am needed and being on the grounds of summer camp is always a familiar and comforting place for me.

Earlier today, I went ahead and bought a mini container of Nutella in preparation for my coming adventure. I've talked to many older staff here and although there is a lot of different words given, there is always one common piece of advice I hear: chocolate. "Bring chocolate". I'm not quite sure why this is so absolutely necessary but I trust their expertise in the field. While staring at the candy bar options in the grocery store I was forced to ignore my fleshly desires and instead use my rational judgement to make such a seemingly insignificant decision. You see, if I bought a Milky Way, it would be smushed minutes into it's placement in my "bear bag". But one bag of M&M's surely wouldn't suffice. Chocolate cookies take up too much room but Nutella, oh Nutella, you are so versatile. Within this small 8 oz container of Chocolatey goodness is an abundant number of delicious possibilities: chocolate tortilla wrap, chocolate pretzels, chocolate apple slices, chocolate beans and Lentils... the list is endless.

But I think it is more than simply chocolate that provides emotional release for these leaders. It is the fact that we can pull out something that reminds us that this current situation, no matter how horrible it may be, will not last forever and that one day we will find ourselves back with people, with community, in society. It is the fact that I can demonstrate some sense of control in my surroundings in a time where much seems out of control. And if anything, it reassures us that life is sweet even when it is wet and rainy and cold outside. So here I go, with my jar of Nutella and my short list of camping skills into the Adirondacks for my first week of my first real job as an "adult". All I have to say?

Bring. it. on.

Love, La Loba

Please send the Big Man some prayers for me over this coming week (for confidence, peace, and compassion).

Pictures Pictures

 The dogs attacking an arriving vehicle.

 This is "Dacks." He scares me sometimes.

 Hazel

 This is what it looks like everywhere you go.

 Lots and lots of ferns.

 Some of the big, beautiful houses in town.

 This is behind the Lake Placid library facing the lake.

And this is the back of the library. Notice the long, windowed hallway I spoke of on the left.

Butterflies Pee too.

Yep, I'm back again and no, I literally have nothing else to do but continue writing on this blog. Today I watched 6 Monarch butterflies sun bathe in front of my house. They are funny, furry little creatures that are a little bit creepy when you see their face up close. Later, I got a ride into town and checked out the local farmers market. I have to admit, it pales in comparison to the Harrisonburg Farmers Market. There may have been ten vendors in total. But I met two young farmers who gave me free greens! I may have been playing the "I'm new in town and have no friends" card a little too much but hey, it's actually working. It is comforting to find folks with similar interests. Well, here are the pictures I promised! Hopefully, tomorrow I will head back into town to check out one of the many churches around here. Adios!

 Here is a picture from Lake Placid while on a serene evening stroll.

This is the road coming into ALPO. Imagine 8 dogs running at you the instant they see your car. 

 This is where a lot of my training happened and where I will meet before and after my time in the field.

 This is Jake. He is one of my favorite dogs.

And yes, there is even a garden in the back.

It's already taken me fifteen minutes to download these pictures so I'm gonna call it quites for now. But there shall be more up soon!

Zac Effron, get out of my head please.

Today, I have found my favorite place so far in this new territory. It is the Lake Placid Library. Before I arrived, I asked my housemates if they had been to this library. "Yes," they both replied, "the Saranac Library is much better." But I am not someone to give up on the library system so quickly. I mean, it's a quiet zone filled with free knowledge, stories, and adventures! How could one NOT love being here. So with a skeptical eye I approached what I have now found to be quite the treasure. It is two different building in the middle of downtown connected only by a tiny windowed hallway that peaks out to the street on one side and Lake Placid on the other. You are invited in by deep cedar wood all around and stacks of 1980s books. You know, the hardbacks with that awkward plastic covering. The best part about it is the structure. I imagine it used to be an old house because it is set up as if a maze. Little nooks turn into wide rooms and sudden turns become bare wall. You can sit by one of the large windows facing the lakeside and read your John Grisham while admiring the green trees nearby. The back of the library is an inviting retreat by the lake with wooden one-person chairs and tiny side tables to place your book or lunch while resting. Although it is raining right now, I plan on taking advantage of this spot very often.

Today I feel like a directionless wave of water. Here I am, in this little tourist town, too poor to buy anything from the dozens of boutique shops and too ambivalent to look. Before I left the car (thank you housemate!) I prayed for some kind of holy conversation to occur between me and well, anyone. It hasn't happened yet but I still plan on seeking out a tiny cafe to begin my Humungo wilderness therapy workbook so I have not lost hope. I am tossed like a silly, little wave by what used to be easy decisions. "Should I do my laundry today at the laundromat?" (PS I've never used one before). "And if I do, should I bring back the wet clothes to the cabin and hope that it stops raining so they can dry outside and I can save $3.50?" Or "Should I continue reading Willa Cather at the laundromat? Or write more letters?" When one is given a copious amount of time in which to do anything they'd like with the given limits of my situation they must either make strong choices for their day or go a little crazy. "Should I learn to identify plants today based on the information of my 'Edible Wildplants of the NorthEast' book? Or bake bread? Or attempt to do yoga alone based solely on the little I remember from the three classes I have taken in the past 5 years?" Daily decisions can be overwhelming even when you have been freed from the subtle nuances of life like paying rent or going to work.  I am learning slowly that satisfaction based on one's geography is a silly connection to make. Again, it comes back to the heart, blah blah blah. All that stuff my pastor and leaders spoke of back in the day, well, it's true dang it.

I'm off to continue exploring this little gem. I have been taking pictures of my experiences and hope to be able to post them soon as soon as I can get a hold of the right computer. Blessings my friends!

Two important facts:
1) Today, someone encouraged me to "lead with a reckless love". I really want to.
2) I dreamt I was Hilary Duff in a new version of High School Musical with Zac Effron. I want to know what my subconscious is trying to tell me.

La Loba

Maslow, what are you doing here?

I'm currently sitting in the local library watching my 26 minutes of remaining computer time slowly dwindle. I've biked into town today (about a 15-20 minute ride) and have decided to explore this tiny little town known as Saranac Lake. I sat by one of the little lakes and ate my salad as I watched the fancy water boats zip by. It is so beautiful here! While biking, I recognized a certain frangrance I was long ago acquainted with. It is the smell of deep, coniferous woods in the summer, the scent I recognize from my childhood time spent in the Red Wood Forest of Northern California. I am continually being bombarded with new sites, tastes, smells, sounds and textures.

Today begins my official first day off. I've spent five days in the woods, two days in "Positive Control System" training, and one day learning about blood born pathogens and other important medical knowledge. And yet I am still not done! I will soon go through CPR/First Aid/WFA (Wilderness First Aid) training. But for now I am taking a break from it all and simply being. My five days in the woods turned out to truly be quite an adventure. The whole point of our time hiking (more like bush whacking) was for us to experience first hand what the students go through in this program. I think this is a brilliant idea because not only does it allow us to empathize with them on a deeper level but it also prevents us from abusing our power as field instructors because we know their pain! I have never hiked as far, hard or long as I did over those five days. But I was even more shocked over the emotional discomfort I experienced. Have you heard of Abraham Maslow? He is a famous psychologist who created the concept of a hierarchy of needs. Imagine a pyramid. The bottom layer consists of our basic need for survival including food, shelter, sleep, etc. Then it continues with safety; resources, health, property. Then to love/belonging, then esteem, then at the tippy top is self-actualization.

I wasn't actually sure if my schooling would come in handy (don't tell my parents) but it has! Wherever I was at on this pyramid before this adventure, well, it was stripped away. I was back to step 1: physical needs. It completely threw me off. But more than my time in the woods, this time in my life has proven to take me back to level one. I have no form of transportation other than my blistered feetsies, I know very few people in this new place, I don't even know how to get around town. My cell phone barely works at the place I am staying at and I have no computer. Ok, I know I'm sounding slightly whiny at this point but I want to be realistic with you. I feel that other than the clothes on my back, I have nothing other than the Lord. And it is surprisingly discomforting. I don't even have a pillow. Ok, for real I'll stop whining. My point is that I have to trust trust trust. I have to trust that someone will give me a ride to the grocery store to get food. I have to trust that tonight there will still be room in the cabin for me (don't worry ma, I have a tent). And it is hard my friends! But I do believe that in this way God has been given much room to move. I look forward to the divine and spontaneous conversations I will have with people I don't know. I look forward to being forced to trust that every minute of my day is planned out by God even if I have no idea what I will be eating tonight (don't worry ma, I have rice and spinach). And ultimately, I look forward to understanding His provision within and outside of Maslow's pyramid.

Love, La Loba

Adirondacks

Friends,

I am so sorry for my absence as of late but it has been busy busy! My time has been filled with backpacking through the woods and daily training in preparation for my first week out with students next Thursday. Wanted to let you all know I am whole and alive and semi-thriving. It has been much more of a challenge than I had expected on many different levels and when I have more time I will make sure to share these with you. For now I am relying on the "staff" computer so you know, trying to be "professional" and stuff. On that note, I better jet! But stay posted for a more detailed story of my adventures.

Love, La Loba

Transportation of Choice

Dear Friends,

Minus 45 minutes until departure time. My transportation of choice, you ask? Amtrak! Yes, I am indeed speaking of the train/subway hybrid we Americans have come to love. I decided to take Amtrak for two reasons.

1) Airfare is way too expensive
2) Amtrak is slow.

You see, there is something we miss when we hop on a plane and one hour and some bad food later we find ourselves in Florida. For thousands of years humanity made it simply by feet and wheels. And I believe there is something lost when we steal from time while traveling. Say it with me... "processing".... What a beautiful concept that our fast paced society often neglects. I embrace slow travel because it gives us an opportunity to see what we are passing by, we are forced to acknowledge the great distances we are covering, and upon arrival to our destination there is a newfound appreciation based on where we were and where we are. I plan on doing the following things during the next 24 hours of my travels: reading, writing letters, sleeping, tweezing my eyebrows and hopefully experiencing some divine and spontaneous conversations with those around me.

When I arrive in Saranac Lake Tuesday evening, I will head straight to the staff house to spend the night. The next day I head to the "headquarters" (it's actually referred to as the office but 'headquarters' sounds more mysterious to me) where I will be ushered into a five day series of hiking and learning with the other field instructors in training. After that a two day in door training on good stuff like communication, vision, etc. So dear friends, I don't plan on being back until next Tuesday! After my training I will have a week off to rest and prepare for my first journey into the woods with the baby lambs (what I like to imagine the students as). I look forward to filling you in!

With much love, La Loba

The Myth of the She Wolf

Have you ever heard the myth of La Loba? Let me share it with you. 


As the tale goes, there once was an old, ragged woman who lived in the desert caves of the New Mexican desert. She spent her nights searching for the bones of animals, especially wolves, who have long passed from this world. She had a surprisingly strong, burly voice and after she collected the bones she would return to her cave and sing to them. And as she sang, her life and passion and joy would settle into their bones until alas, they leapt back to life! The dead wolf, now a live wolf, would run into the desert night, turning into a beautiful woman, disappearing into the horizon.


I admit this may seem like an odd way of sharing with you my current life situation but here, let me explain. You see, tomorrow evening I begin a new Journey, a great Adventure, a long Expedition into the Adirondack Mountains. My job? Working with teenage girls who have much pain. I will be leading a group of eight girls, every other week, into the their worst nightmare; woods, bugs, nor mirrors, no bathrooms and dun dun dun... no cell phones. And to be quite honest with you, I am absolutely ecstatic! My goal, with the resources and support of this wilderness therapy program, is to care for them in a way that brings transformation. I will love while challenging, I will listen and speak when necessary, and I will teach while learning. 


And I plan on singing loudly! Ok not literally, for I am the first to admit my mediocre voice, but with the strength I receive from my family and community and the Truth that fills me daily. . . 

When I was a loaf of bones, dried out

Gathering my bones like loose fruit -

sure she had all those precious seeds -

she carried me in her arms back to her cave.

My eye socket saw that dim heaven

like a star that one can’t find a second time.

When my last limb was set down I shone

like a white carving in front of a breathless fire.

La Loba raised her small arms and sang softly.

The sage burned stronger. I felt my bones

swell like a river as the flesh began to spread

over them, along the belly and lips, rippling

on my spine, softly, above the dust.

And the touch of it, amazed - hand on hip,

both touch and thought as I felt my body stretch.

The old woman sang louder and I saw colours,

a glowing orange or a black cinder, a tongue

that leapt above me and said, This is passion,

red as a heart. My hands reached upwards,

as if towards a heaven sensed in the air.

Louder and louder the music moved me

and swept through my lungs like a wish.

I rose from the bald dust with a memory.

Still I heard the song but saw no-one

only my still legs and white arms. Looking up,

I saw the song float like smoke above me.

It chanted so deeply, as if the earth had sighed.

Wrapping my arms around my body I opened

my mouth as the sound moved closer.

It sang to my breath and it sang to my hips,

breaking over me like a host of prayers.

And as it came in luminous bursts

through the desert, from death,

I heard it was coming from my mouth.

-By Leanne O'Sullivan

Love and Peace, La Loba

My address for the next week is 82 Church St Saranac Lake, NY 12983

As soon as I can I will be getting a P.O. box and plan on sharing it with you!

she told the mountains that I was alive.